May 19 2013

The Difference Between Friends With Benefits and MTLRs

What is the single most common problem men run into when first attempting nonmonogamous relationships?

It’s this:

They screw up the delineation between FB and MLTR.

I define these two terms here and here, but just to review:

FB, or “friends with benefits” or “fuck buddy” is a woman you’re regularly (or irregularly) having sex with, but you are not attracted to her beyond very simple friendship.

MLTR, or “multiple long term relationships” is a woman you’re having sex with and actually dating. You have real feelings for her. You might even love her (but usually not…love is usually reserved for an OLTR).

The point here is that you’re dating an MLTR, but you’re just fucking an FB. And this, in a nutshell, is what guys screw up.

I’ve seen guys say things like, “So I was hanging out with my FB the other day. We went out to a movie, then we had dinner, then she gave me a bunch of drama about <blah blah>. WTF?”

If you’re a sharp reader you should be able to immediately identify exactly what that guy did wrong. He took his FB out on date. Maybe he didn’t view it as a date, but she did. Guys often don’t realize the unspoken messages they’re sending to women.

That’s exactly what you don’t do. You take MLTRs out on dates. You take your girlfriend or your OLTR out on dates. You do not take FBs out on dates. She was an FB, but he was treating her like an MLTR.

As a result, he was sending all kinds of mixed signals, which of course ended up in drama. Drama that was 100% his fault, not hers.

If you treat an FB like an FB, that’s fine (as long as you’re a nice guy about it). If you then start treating her like an MLTR, that’s also fine. The problem comes when you start treating her like an FB again. She’s going to immediately react with confusion, anger, and hurt feelings. Then you’re in for drama and bitching. You’re not being congruent or consistent with her.

One of the primary reasons I can date so many women at once and almost never experience drama from any of them is because I am always, always, 100% consistent with my behaviors towards them. I treat FBs like FBs, never like MLTRs. I treat MLTRs like MLTRs, never like FBs, and never like a girlfriend or OLTR. All the women in my life know exactly where they stand with me at all times, with no inconsistency and no deception. They are welcome to stay with me, or to leave me whenever they like without any complaints. Neither person is telling the other what to do. No drama from either is required.

The FB Behavior Set

Let’s be very specific about how to treat FBs, and how not to treat them. The key is to treat them nicely and with respect, but not like a woman you’re dating.

Hollywood, with it’s pro-woman, anti-Alpha agenda, has done a great job at portraying a “fuck buddy” or “friend with benefits” as a negative, disrespectful thing. As a result, many women (especially the over-33s) are turned off by the label.

The common image is that of a guy fucking some chick’s brains out, then rolling over and saying “Damn! Look at the time! I need to get up early tomorrow for work, so yeah, uh, you need to go now!”. The very next image is the poor, half-dressed woman standing out on the sidewalk in the dark of night, her clothes bunched up in her arms, a hurt expression on her face.

No.

This is not how you treat FBs. Not if you want them in your life for a very long time (which is always my goal). I have FBs in my life right now that I first started seeing back in 2007. If I treated FBs like the Hollywood version of the Alpha Male, such a feat would be impossible.

It’s perfectly fine to spend time with FBs, both before and after sex. Many times an FB will come over to my place, we’ll talk, maybe have a drink, then have sex, then relax for a while, talk while watching TV, then she’ll go home. Much nicer.

Remember that the first word in “friend with benefits” is friend. I actually have one or two FBs in my life who are, in a sense, my closest friends. I’m serious. These are people I can really confide in, even in ways I can’t with MLTRs (who might get jealous if I start taking about other women in my life). One of the many benefits of FBs over MLTRs is that long-term FBs never get jealous; they don’t give a shit who you’re having sex with. You’re just an FB to them. Win / win.

However, notice that in the above example, all the time spent together is happening at my place. We are not meeting up at a restaurant to have dinner, or even lunch. We’re not going to see a movie. We’re not going to a picnic or the zoo or shopping or any of that shit. That’s MLTR zone, and if you start doing that with an FB, you’re in for some serious drama.

Your FB is your friend, not your girlfriend, and not a woman you’re dating. Would you take one of your guy buddies out to dinner and then to a movie while paying for some or all of his expenses? Would you spend the night with your guy buddy in your bed? Probably not. Then don’t do it with FBs.

Thankfully I can read your mind, so here are some questions I can see you thinking…

What if she asks to do that stuff?

You say no. Exactly how you say no is up to you. You can either give her an emphatic no, or you can just blow it off. If an FB ever asks me this kind of thing (which is very rare because I’m so congruent and clear with women) I will usually make some excuse about how busy I am. Which is true. If she keeps pushing, then I’ll say no.

Again, me needing to do this is extremely rare. Women are very smart. They know when they’re an FB…often before you do.

What if she’s an FB, but later you decide to make her to an MLTR?

That’s called an upgrade, and it’s totally fine. It happens to me often. Some of my all-time favorite MLTRs started out as FBs who later impressed me and whom I upgraded as a result. (And I have downgraded MLTRs to FBs when they start screwing up.)

When you upgrade an FB to an MLTR, just start treating her like an MLTR (but still not an OLTR or GF!). Dates, spending the night, spending more quality time, romantic holding, all that great stuff can now be part of your relationship. Just be very sure that you’re upgrading her to an MLTR because she deserves it and not just because you’re getting lazy or needy.

Wouldn’t it be okay to go out with an FB as long as you made her pay for her own food? And kept a solid frame?

Technically, yes. However most guys who try this end up fucking it up. So I would not do this unless you have a lot of poly/open relationship experience and really know what you’re doing.

I do things like this occasionally, but I’ve been doing this open relationship stuff for years and my frame in this area is rock solid.

It also helps if you go somewhere very cheap, like a fast food restaurant. This is also safer to do with younger women (under age 25), since older women tend their provider-sensors up more than younger chicks.

I don’t see a problem with letting FBs spend the night. I do it all the time.

Many men disagree with the “no FBs spending the night” rule I have. Well, okay then. If you start getting drama from your FB, you’ll know exactly why. I’d rather not push the envelope.

If there is a worst case scenario, like it’s late at night and the FB is drunk or something, then I’ll set her up on my couch, tuck her in, then go upstairs and sleep in my own bed.

The last time I spend the night with an FB in my bed was about a month ago when two women were sleeping with me, an MLTR and an FB. My bed is only a queen, and I’m a big bastard, so it was a little crowded. Thankfully both women were small. The FB actually got up in the middle of the night and went to sleep downstairs because she didn’t like the fan I sleep with. Poor women…always getting cold.

But you can see how unusual a circumstance that was. Routinely spending the night with an FB, in your own bed after sex, is extremely dangerous and will cause the exact problems I’m trying to warn you against in this post. Don’t do it.

You asked if I would ever pay for a guy buddy if we hung out somewhere. Yeah, I’ve done that before. So what’s the big deal if I do that with an FB?

The big deal is that your guy buddy is a guy. He’s not a chick. When you pay for your buddy’s movie ticket, he’s not going to start running through all kinds of “What does this mean???” questions or “Wow, he really likes me!” thoughts for the next hour. He’ll just think “cool” and then immediately forget about it and shift his thinking to popcorn.

So even if you do pay for your buddies when you go out, that still doesn’t make it a good idea for you to do it with your FBs.

What if your FB starts complaining that you’re not taking her out and stuff?

Do I even need to answer that? The answer is NEXT. Soft next her immediately.

More importantly, once she’s gone, examine your own behavior and make damn sure you didn’t screw up the frame. If you look carefully, I think you’ll find that you were treating her like an GF or MLTR, at least a little. An FB clearly bitching about how you’re treating her is almost always indicative of something you did wrong several steps ago.

There’s a reason my FBs never bitch at me, ever. (What little drama I do get usually comes from from MLTRs, where the nature and investment of the relationship is very different.)

I hope this helps. As in many areas of life, the key to open/poly relationships is strength, clarity, congruence and consistency.

May 16 2013

Why Do Women Get Fat? Some Empirical Evidence From My Dating Life

We could all have a very predictable conversation about how once you marry a woman, especially a Western woman, over time she starts getting fatter. But we already know this. Today I’m going to talk about something deeper.

I’ve talked before about how the longer I know a woman, the fatter she gets. Even if she’s just an FB or low-end MLTR. I wanted to check the real data before I made some sweeping conclusions, so I pulled out my master list of women and took a good long look. This is my “roster”, my list of all the women I’ve ever been in a relationship with, “relationship” here being defined as at least an FB. This pretty much means any woman I’ve had sex with more than about two or three times.

This is not a small list. I never “screen”, I never get monogamous, I don’t do one-night-stands (I don’t see the point), I get laid a lot, and I’ve been doing this consistently for going on seven years now. I’m not going to give you the exact number of women I have on this particular list (that would just create arguments from nitpickers) but I can tell you it’s a decently sizable number, enough to draw at least some conclusions from.

Of course the list is very biased, in that it’s a list of women all of whom are of a type that I would really like. Any type of woman I would hate or be repulsed from would obviously not be on this list. Conversely, any type of woman who would hate me would also not be on this list. (You won’t find any ugly chicks, or hardcore feminists, or hardcore Christians on this list for example.)

So whenever I draw conclusions from my roster, I know that while I’m dealing in accurate information, I’m also dealing with somewhat biased data.

But hey, we’ve got to start somewhere!

The first thing I did was remove all the women who are relatively new in my life. So all the women I’ve known for less than nine months I cut off. That still left a lot.

Then I eliminated all the women whose relationships were very brief, and who never came back to me after a LSNFTE. That’s not very many women, since the majority of my relationships, even my casual ones, are measured in years, not weeks or months. Moreover, 92% (or so) of the women who leave me eventually return…even if they leave me to go get married or have babies with some other guy, even if it’s years later.

That left women with whom I had relationships with that lasted a real amount of time. Sometimes consistently, sometimes inconsistently, but over a period of nine months to six years, or even longer.

Here’s the percentage breakdown:

71% gained weight since I first met them.

This included women of all ages. From 18 year old girls to women in their mid 40s. There was no age correlation at all. All ages got fatter.

This also included women of all races and nationalities. White, American, Asian, Russian, European, Latina, and half-black. All races and nationalities got fatter. (Though they all were residents of the USA at the time of the relationship of course.)

43% gained a LOT of weight. As in well over 30 pounds.

43% of these women not only gained weight, but gained weight in ways where if you saw them after the weight gain, you would be shocked at the difference, and not in a good way. And once again, all ages and races were affected. If anything, the younger women seemed to gain more.

Now what about the women who got skinnier? Were there any?

Only 6% improved their physical fitness in any way.

And that’s a very iffy 6%. One woman did lose weight since I met her, but only because she had health problems. Another lost a little weight, but frankly she was a little on the “curvy” side to begin with. You get the point. It’s not like these women were busting their asses to lose weight or become more healthy (as I’ve been doing for the past 2-3 years).

If you do the math, that means 23% remained about the same in terms of weight.

23% maintained a “no better, no worse” body over the years I’ve known them. You would think that these women were the naturally skinny ones with genetically high metabolisms. Some were like that, but many were “normal” or “curvy”. Once again, no correlation, no pattern. (With one exception: All women in this static 23% were all white Americans. I doubt that means anything though, simply because most women I date are white Americans. That’s what I am and that’s where I live.)

Now let me reiterate a few things. Yes, we all know that if you marry a woman, move her in, and go all provider on her, she’ll gain weight. Of course this happens.

But I didn’t do that with any of these women. And they gained weight anyway.

I did not marry any of these women.
I did not move in with any of these women.
I did not “provide” for any of these women (at least not in the traditional sense).
I did not get serious in any way with about 60% these women. They were just FBs. (The rest were MLTRs of varying degrees. No OLTRs.)

Yet they still gained weight.

Hm.

Devil’s Advocate

I tried to play devils advocate with myself in a (fruitless) attempt to explain this.

Devil’s Advocate Point 1: Well Blackdragon, YOU are overweight. So if you’re going to hang out with these women, of course they’ll start eventually getting fat. It’s natural they’re eventually going to be like you.

True, and there’s some validity to that. However I would counter with the following:

1. Even with the MLTRs, I don’t see these women more than once a week. It’s one of my rules. Very, very few of these women really spend a lot of time with me. If they were hanging out with me all the time, then you might have a point. But that’s not what’s happening here. These women were not “girlfriends”.

2. Even more importantly, over the last two years I have been losing weight. Slowly, but noticeably. Trust me, when a woman sees you naked, she can really tell if you’ve lost 40, 30, or even 20 pounds. Most of these women have seen me lose some serious poundage, and have watched me eat healthy, or not eat at all, while they were still eating typical American garbage food. Over this time period, none of these women started losing weight like me, and by your argument, they should have. If I got fatter, they got fatter. But if I got skinnier, they still got fatter.

Devil’s Advocate Point 2: Well Blackdragon, as you said, these are all women you’re attracted to. You just happen to be attracted to women who have personalities that are conducive to eventual weight gain.

Maybe, but here’s the problem. These 71% of women who gained weight ran the complete gamut of personality styles and levels of intelligence. This group included:

Stupid chicks, and very smart, high-IQ women.

Completely uneducated women, and women with masters degrees and/or degrees from Ivy League colleges.

Wild, crazy chicks, and shy, quiet chicks.

Touchy-feely artsy women, sharp, hard-edged corporate women.

Total losers, and very organized, impressive winners (other than the weight gain of course).

ALL these women gained weight. Most of them, a LOT of weight. Again, there was no real correlation between these women other than when I met them they were very pretty, had sex with me relatively quickly, and didn’t give me much drama as we were dating. There was no consistent ”type”. Remember, I don’t “screen”. I’m a very inclusive guy! :)

I am under the opinion, backed by strong evidence (and not just this evidence here) that Western women, or perhaps Western people, just get fatter. It’s just what they do. You really can’t stop it. It’s going to happen. It’s the era in which we live. Women. Get. Fatter.

Oh, one more excuse I can anticipate: Oh c’mon Blackdragon, as people age they gain weight because their metabolisms get slower. It’s natural and happens to everyone.

No. Not like this. Women in the 1950s were not gaining 30+ pounds in six years or less. There’s something else going on here.

Therefore, while a woman marrying a man may accelerate this fattening process, it does not prevent it. She’ll likely just keep gaining more weight anyway. Married or single, dating or relationship, friends with benefits or serious boyfriend…doesn’t matter, she’ll gain weight.

Anyway, that’s my theory. What do you think?

May 12 2013

Fun With Theory – What If Blackdragon Had Been Born A Woman?

Disclaimer: I debated back and forth on whether or not to even post this. This post is going to make some of you very, very angry. Men and women both. I know this because I have already shown this blog post to several different people, and most of them lost their shit. I have sat on this post for quite a while, knowing that a percentage of the reading audience are going to completely misinterpret it. However, shock and awe is part of what I do here, so I’ve finally decided to post it.

Therefore, if you decide to read this post, do your best to read it in the funny, hypothetical, and non-serious context in which it is provided. Otherwise your head will explode. You have officially been warned…that means if you read this post and get pissed off, you have only yourself to blame.

EDIT: Some of the comments have made some good points, so I have amended a few things in this post to make it more accurate and congruent.

And now for something completely different. This is an article I wrote for the forums several years ago. I’ve cleaned it up and updated it. As part of the “Fun With Theory” series on this blog, this is a purely hypothetical thought experiment. It is not meant as anything literal or serious (though as is usually the case with these hypothetical stories, there are some serious aspects to it).

Let’s take a Star Trek moment and say a tear in the space-time continuum caused an alternate timeline in which I was born a female instead of a male. Let’s assume my personality and goals were more or less the same (as much as possible with a more emotional feminine brain), and let’s also make the wild and unlikely assumption that as a woman I was able to maintain at least most of my rational life outlook at least most of the time (which probably wouldn’t be the case, since I’d be a girl, but let’s go with it for the sake of illustration).

How then, would I have lived my life, and continue to live my life to this day, knowing what I now know? How would I achieve and maintain my lifestyle and goals of freedom and consistent happiness? It’s an interesting question because of the vast differences between men and women, also considering that men and women take very different paths in life. Note that I am not necessarily recommending that women do what I’m about to describe. At least, not all of it. This is simply an example of what would happen if a high-sex-drive, long-term-happiness-seeking, hyper-rational personality were a woman, rather than a man.

Here then is an overview of what I would do if I was a woman, “Blackdragonette”, starting with young adulthood at age 18.

Phase One: Be Hot

Whether we like it or not, whether we like to admit it or not, it’s a universal truth that generally speaking, the better looking a woman is, the easier her life is and the more she gets. (Have you ever seen a hot homeless woman? Neither have I.)

Therefore, starting at age 18, my primary focus in life would not be creating a high income (which it would be if I were a man). Instead, it would be to look as hot as I possibly could, “hot” being defined as what men find attractive, not what women find attractive, since often women find physical traits on women attractive that men do not (like short hair, for example). A hot chick can, if she plays her cards right, get all the money a man can get by working, and usually with far less time and effort invested.

That would mean:

A. Buying and reading many books and magazines on physical fitness and taking their advice.

B. Total focus on my eating and diet. (I have a feeling I’d be hungry often, like a supermodel.)

C. Hitting the gym daily. I would never allow myself to go above a size 4, ever.

D. Keeping my hair long and full. I would bleach my hair blonde if it was not blonde already. I would do this regularly until I hit my 50s. (Remember, I’m looking for what most men think is hot on women, not what women think is hot on women. That means long blonde hair.)

E. If my boobs were anything less than a C cup, I would get breast implants ASAP to get to a C or D cup (depending on my body frame and height). I would pay for the surgery either via my parents (I would use my feminine superpowers of begging, pleading, doe-eyes, crying, and acting sad) or I would borrow the money and have an AFC baby-daddy pay off the debt for me (more on this in a minute) or trick/cajole/seduce the money out of an AFC boyfriend. All of which would be relatively easy because I’d be hot.

F. I would only wear hot clothing, i.e. clothing men consider sexy. Think clothing from Bebe (assuming I could afford it, if not I would dress as sexy as my income would allow…not a difficult thing to do).

By doing all of this, by the time I was 20 or 21 at the very latest, I’d be very hot, even if I had been born with an average face. Trim, fit body, big nice tits, long blonde hair, sexy clothes. Phase one accomplished. I can now get a significant percentage of what I want from men on my looks alone, even if I was a complete bitch. (Which I would not be. Just like Blackdragon, Blackdragonette would be a nice, chill person most of the time.)

Phase Two: Reduce Fear

Women spend most of their lives being scared of everything. Scared of strangers, men, poverty, rape, spiders, disease, Republicans, etc. One of the huge advantages of being a man is that you’re not scared to death to walk around outside by yourself at night, or travel alone, etc. Therefore, my secondary focus would be to reduce these fears to their absolute minimums by doing the following:

A. Take a karate class three times a week. Within three years I would have my black belt. I’d be sure to take a type of karate that really made a difference in real-life self defense, like jujitsu or aikido, not a pretty or feel-good karate like kung fu.

B. Save up about $600, purchase a small handgun, and keep it in my purse at all times. I would take several in-depth gun safety courses so I was really comfortable with the gun and knew how to use it inside and out. (I am a huge proponent of women carrying guns.) So by the time I was 22 or 23 years old or so, I would be a karate black belt and have a gun on me at all times that I knew how to use well. All my feminine fears about getting mugged or raped or whatever would now be at absolute minimums.

Phase two accomplished.

Phase Three: Eliminate The Biological Clock

Now we have to deal with the next problem that fucks up women: the dreaded biological clock. Because of the stupid biological clock, even very intelligent women regularly make terrible, irrational decisions about who to marry, who to have babies with, and when to marry, all of which completely fucks up their lives. I don’t want a fucked-up life, so I need to eliminate the biological clock problem as early in my life as I possibly can.

There’s only one way to eliminate the biological clock forever: have two babies. Yes, two. At a biological level, the vast majority of women out there want two kids. Not three, not one. Two. It’s just how women are. Therefore, I need to have two kids then get my tubes tied as fast as possible, so for the rest of my life I don’t need to worry about this biological clock bullshit.

Therefore, armed with my super-hotness and my lack of fear, I would go date and fuck a ton of guys. I would be as careful about preventing pregnancy and STDs as I am now as a man.

Over time, I would find the most wealthy and responsible guy I could, preferably a needy older millionaire with a six-figure income, and convince him to cum inside me when he knew I wasn’t on any birth control. Which, of course, he would. It’s what guys do.

Then I’d get preggo.

I would not marry him or move in with him, of course. At least not immediately (more on this in a minute). Just like with Blackdragon, being married and monogamous in a traditional fashion would not make Blackdragonette happy at all. If anything, Blackdragonette would have an even higher sex drive than Blackdragon does. She also wouldn’t have to work nearly as hard (in terms of time and effort) to find sexual partners. This would all make her even less qualified for long-term monogamy than Blackdragon! And she’d be well aware of this reality and not bullshit herself about it like most other high-sex-drive women do.

I would have the baby and start enjoying my huge child support checks (which are based on the income of the father, and he’d have a high income, so…). I would also get the needy AFC, uh, I mean, the father of my child to cover the cost of childcare while I was at work.

I would still watch the diet and hit the gym daily during and after my pregnancy to keep the hot young figure. (I’d have a few stretch marks on my stomach, but the vast majority of men out there don’t give a shit about those, and other than that I’d still be hot as hell. Plus there’s always surgical options.) As soon as the baby was born, I’d have Mr. High Income AFC get me “accidentally” pregnant again. (Worst case, if he was out of my life by then, I’d find another high-income beta to impregnate me.) As soon as the second baby was born, and I knew it was healthy, I would immediately get my tubes tied.

So by about age 25 or so, I would have had my two kids and tied tubes so I never, ever again need to worry about all the bullshit women spend the first half of their lives worrying about, like the biological clock, finding the right man to father my children, or getting pregnant by accident. In addition, I would be getting major monthly financial support from a guy(s) who would likely be a six-figure income dude, and that’s in addition to my own income.

That means the biggest problem of being a single mother (lack of income) would be eliminated for me; financially supporting my two kids would not be a problem with all that income, most of which wouldn’t even require me to work. (Then I might look at getting those damn stretch marks removed surgically…gotta stay hot!)

If I actually loved the baby daddy, which would be preferable, I would get into a serious OLTR with him, perhaps even move in with him. Such a thing probably wouldn’t last, but I would give it a strong effort (assuming I cared for him enough).

Phase three complete.

Phase Four: Snag My Man

As a hot chick, my income would be low. Instead of spending my early 20′s focused on increasing my income (which is what I did as a man), I would have been spending them at the gym, dieting, taking care of my kids, and dating high-income beta males (while getting sexually satisfied by Alpha Males on the side of course).

There may even be long stretches were I wasn’t even working at all. This is all well and good because of my child support, but I have a problem. As a woman, I know that my physical beauty is temporary, and thus can’t be relied upon forever. Like that famous Craigslist guy once said, women are depreciating assets. I would not bullshit myself about this and be well aware of this weakness as a woman. I would know that my hotness will deteriorate just a little bit every year after about age 25, and be rendered essentially useless for attracting the really amazing men by the time I hit my mid 40s or early 50s.

Yikes! That means at age 25, I’d have a 20 year window or so to make my looks earn me enough money to be able to support myself financially AFTER age 45 when my looks won’t do it for me, just in case I can’t find or don’t want to put up with a beta male husband to pay my bills for me at that age.

I would not want to be like most older single women, looking around for some guy to marry to take care of me in my old age. I need to be independent and financially self-sufficient in my old age if I so choose. That means I need to start investing some money. Right now. That means I need money.

Where would I get my money? Well, I’m a young, super hot chick, so where do you think?

Knowing that as a woman I’d constantly be getting bored with my male partners, by age 25-28 or so I would likely have become bored with the father(s) of my two kids, so I’d be on to my next high-income beta boyfriend by then. He’d be paying for shit like my sexy clothes and my plastic surgery. Of course, I’d still be fucking Alpha Males on the side to satisfy me sexually. I would avoid outright cheating. Cheating is lying and drama and Blackdragonette doesn’t do drama. Instead I would force my submissive beta boyfriend to let me do it. Which, of course, he would.

When I finally started dating a really rich guy, I’d marry him immediately. I would make sure he understood that I’d be fucking young hot sixpack-ab guys on the side occasionally, but I would promise to keep it discreet (and I would). Plus he would not have to worry about them getting me pregnant; I’ve got my tubes tied, remember?

If he brought up the subject of a prenuptial agreement (and he likely would not, because men are pussies about prenups), I would act hurt and start crying. Then I’d soft next him and fuck some young dumb guy and made sure Mr. Beta found out about it. Mr. Beta would instantly reconsider all that mean nasty unfair unromantic misogynistic prenup stuff and marry me without one.

(Like many modern day women, while single I would brag that I “didn’t believe in alimony” and “would totally go for a prenup” because I “completely understand”, but when it came time for me to actually get married, I would do a 180 on all that shit and suddenly find prenups offensive and unacceptable.)

Phase four complete. Man successfully snagged.

Phase Five: Ensure My Retirement

During the marriage I would make sure there was an account set up in my name for my retirement. I would start to read books on investing and learn the topic well. This money is my retirement, so I need to make it last, with or without my husband.

I’m a girl, so after a few years I’d very likely get bored with Mr. Beta, and I’d more than likely divorce him, take a big pile of money with me, and leave most of it invested. I would not blow this money on stupid shit for me or my kids, which is what most women do. No, as always, the only money I would spend would be for sexy clothes, an inexpensive personal trainer (gotta stay hot!), and a moderate to low middle-class lifestyle for me and my kids, carefully investing everything else.

Worst case, I could get married a second time (without a prenup!), and either stay married to Mr. Beta in an open marriage or get divorced yet again, perhaps taking yet another “divorce payday” (that as a woman, I would be convinced I would be “entitled to”…Blackdragonette is a woman after all, not immune to at least some chick logic).

Doing all of this, by the time I was in my late 30s / early 40s and my looks started to deteriorate, I’d have at least a million dollars in the bank or close to it, in safe, conservative investments I knew a lot about (because I would have been studying the subject of investing for years…my feminine brain would find the topic boring and tedious, but I’d force myself to do it anyway).

I would have never lost any of it on some dumb guy I rushed into something with to “have babies before I’m 25/30/35/<insert age here>!” because I already have my two kids and my tubes are tied. Remember, the biological clock irrationality I already solved a very long time ago.

Now that I’m financially covered, the entire provider issue women constantly wrestle with, the issue of finding or keeping a man to financially take of them and their kids, is a moot point. I’m covered. And I’m still looking really hot for my age, hot enough to attract any high-quality man I want. And I have the money to pay for whatever plastic surgery and personal trainers I need to stay hot (or at least hot for my age), well into my 40’s and even beyond.

Going into my 40′s as a hot, sexually and financially independent woman, with my children grown and out of the house, I would eventually settle down in an OLTR (if I wasn’t in one already, which would be likely) with a beta whom I loved but wasn’t super attracted to sexually (while fucking Alphas on the side), or to an Alpha. Needy Alphas Blackdragonette would consistently avoid, since they would demand eternal monogamy. Blackdragonette doesn’t do monogamy or cheating, so Needy Alphas are out, other than as casual FBs on the side.

I would probably spend most of my time shopping, hanging out with my girlfriends, perhaps working part-time, and blogging about making homemade purses or something. Blackdragonette would be one happy gal.

Two Possible Questions/Objections You Might Be Thinking

Would Blackdragon ever date Blackdragonette?

Yes, with some provisos. If I was fucking Blackdragonette before she had her two kids, I would be very, very careful about birth control. If she ever really gave me shit about it, I’d hard next her fast. Likely she would end up pregnant with someone else’s baby either way, which would be fine with me.

Once she had her two kids and her tubes tied, I would date Blackdragonette as an FB or a very low-end MLTR, but she would clearly know that I would never marry her (with or without a prenup) because of her gold-digging attitude. Likely Blackdragonette would next me or LSNFTE reasonably quickly, unless I was her “Alpha on the side” once she was already with one of her high-income betas.

This is terrible! You actually want women to do this???

No. But I’m a man, sitting on the other side of the fence here. And like I said, this is just a theoretical thought exercise. I avoid gold-diggers myself. Plus, I don’t think most women can maintain the long-term logic and rationality it would take to pull something like this off. A woman like Blackdragonette would be highly unusual.

I do agree with the overall points the above demonstrates, including:

A. Removal of fear from a woman’s life.

B. Conquering the biological clock, a source of much pain and stress and bad decision-making for many women, including very intelligent women.

C. Being financially independent and understanding money.

D. Realizing that Disney fairytales are fantasy and don’t exist in real life, that very long term relationships or marriages are unusual for people under the age of 50, and that 82% of divorces are initiated by the female for a reason: because women hate LONG TERM monogamy. They like SHORT TERM monogamy.

E. Avoiding the self denial that plagues most modern women, regarding what they really want.

Now to see how many people’s heads explode….

May 9 2013

What You Want Me To Talk About – Results of the Poll

A few weeks back I posted a poll here about who you are and what you’d like me to talk more about. Many of you took the poll…thank you for your time if that was you.

As promised, here are the results of the poll with my comments. This may satisfy your curiosity about what kinds of folks read this kind of material. It may also give you some inside info on blogging in general, in case you ever plan on doing some blogging yourself.

One thing to realize about a poll like this is that it’s not necessarily 100% accurate to everyone who actually reads the blog. Only about one-fifth of the people actually reading this blog took the poll over the several days it was on the front page. So the results of the poll are a little skewed in the direction of not just readers, but active readers.

This is okay. While all readers are important, “active” readers are the most important, since they take more time out of their lives to read, contribute, and spread the word. Therefore their opinions should hold a little more weight than a casual reader. That sounds fair to me.

Alrightee. Here are the results of the poll.

Question 1: I am a…

Male 98%

Female 2%

No surprise here obviously. Though I’m confident that my female readership is more than 2%. I’d place it at around 7-8%, maybe even more.

A get a surprising amount of email from women…almost all of it shockingly positive. As I’ve said many times before, women are generally much more cool about the concepts behind open relationships and Alpha Males than a hell of a lot of men are. (I hate to say that but it’s true.) It’s only my younger women / over-33 stuff that pisses the ladies off a little bit. (Because they know I’m right!)

Question 2: My age is…

23 or under 19%

24-29 33%

30-39 28%

40-49 15%

50-59 5%

60+ 0%

This was a bit of an eye opener. I figured I had a lot of readers in their 20s and 40s, less in their 30s. I was wrong about that, since damn near one-third of the readership are guys in their 30s.

Tim Ferriss has always said that the key demographic for this kind of information is “tech-savvy males, age 25-35″. I guess he was more or less right. Interesting. I’d be curious to see what percentage of guys in their 30s are over 35 and under 35. It would be nice to have an “over 35″ percentage.

Question 3: I live in…

USA 52%

Europe 26%

Australia or New Zealand 4%

South America 4%

Asia 3%

Other 10%

Shit! Guess which country I completely forgot about?

Canada.

God dammit, I’m an idiot. Sorry my Canuck brothers…my bad. I won’t forget about you again. I’m actually going to be in Canada (Vancouver BC) in about three weeks (more on that soon).

I wanted to see if the poll disagreed with the analytics, and it really doesn’t. I’ve always thought it fascinating that half of the guys out there aren’t from the U.S. Pretty cool.

I could do a very controversial blog post about the weaknesses of American guys vs. the weaknesses of European guys when it comes to these topics. Essentially, European guys are fantastic when it comes to monogamy not working, open relationships, and realistic expectations about how women work. It’s American guys who get all pissed off and bent out of shape and whine like babies when I talk about non-monogamy.

But when I talk about business, marketing, or making money, it’s completely the opposite. The American guys get excited and get it, the European guys get upset and accusatory.

If I encounter a guy who is REALLY defending monogamy, it’s always an American.

If I encounter a guy who is REALLY angry I’m trying to make money here, it’s always a European.

Ah, cultures. The greatest Societal Programming there is.

Question 4: My current relationship status is…

Single and alone 29%

Single and dating 27%

Unmarried, but with casual or open relationships 18%

Unmarried, but with a monogamous girlfriend 13%

Married 4%

Married but cheating 1%

Open marriage 1%

Some stuff here that makes me happy, and some stuff that makes me sad. 81% of you who have at least one woman in your life are not monogamous. That brings a smile to my face. Very nice. You’re getting it. Good.

About one-fifth of you are in actual nonmonogamous relationships. That’s not bad. Could be better, but not bad.

Only 1% of you have an open marriage. Not good, especially considering many of you are well over age 35. I guess I need to do better.

29% of you are totally alone or close to it. Not cool guys, not cool at all. You fuckers need to raise the bar.

Going without sex is a very, very bad thing for a man. Don’t do it. Go get laid. Use the techniques I’ve talked about here on the blog and its archives. Hit up the Sedfast forums and get help. We’ve set up a new Rookie forum just for newbies. We’ll be nice. And its free. Use us.

And of course, if you are very serious about getting this part of your life handled, buy my ebooks. There’s a lifetime money-back guarantee on all of them so there’s no reason not to do it. Also consider coming to my workshop in New York in September.

The point here is lack of information is not an excuse. Stop making excuses and start improving your life!

Question 5: Regarding Blackdragon’s opinions about dating/relationships…

I completely agree 36%

I usually agree 62%

I usually disagree 2%

I completely disagree 0%

Not one hater took my poll? I’m shocked. It also makes me wonder if the 2% who usually disagree are the same 2% of female readers. (A joke. I kid, ladies.)

Here’s a little inside information on my greater purpose of doing what I do here as Blackdragon (besides making money and personal enjoyment). My goal is to take the “usually disagree” people and turn them into “usually agree”.

It’s not my goal to take “usually agree” and turn them into ”completely agree”. “Usually agree” is good enough in most cases.

I also have no intention of doing anything with “completely disagree” people. People like extreme girly-man beta males, sex-hating Christians, or money-hating socialists are never going to agree with my core concepts on the Alpha Male lifestyle. Talking to these guys would be a waste of my time and theirs. I would much rather focus on the “usually disagree”, since there I can sometimes find some level of open-mindedness and rational thinking.

Sometimes.

Question 6: My political views are mostly…

Socialist or Communist 4%

Liberal / Progressive 18%

Moderate / In The Middle 12%

Conservative but not Tea Party 5%

Tea Party 2%

Libertarian 33%

None or Don’t Care 26%

This was one of the more interesting results.

My guess was that I had a pretty even spread between liberal, conservative, libertarian, and don’t care. Instead it’s a three-way split between libertarians liberals, and don’t cares. I always suspected I had a large libertarian and liberal audience, but nothing like this.

There are very few conservatives of any kind. Very interesting. “None or Don’t Care” is also the second-largest group behind libertarians. Also interesting.

And now, for the most important question in the poll:

Question 7: Blackdragon should write more about… (topics ranked in order, starting with the most desired)

1. Alpha Male Lifestyle (Weighted rank: 3.72)

2. Dating / Seduction Techniques (Weighted rank: 4.23)

3. Personal Effectiveness / Success Principles (Weighted rank: 4.55)

4. Open Relationships / Open Marriages (Weighted rank: 4.82)

<tie> Online Dating (Weighted rank: 5.20)

<tie> Daygame (Weighted rank: 5.20)

7. Business / Financial Success (Weighted rank: 5.43)

8. “Older Guy Game” (Older guys dating younger women) (Weighted rank: 5.68)

9. Politics (Weighted rank: 8.02)

10. Pop Culture / Celebrities / Politicians (Weighted rank: 8.04)

Very intriguing. Wow. A few things I expected, but damn, so many surprises in here. Alpha Male Lifestyle completely beat the shit out of every other topic by far, outpacing the next most requested item by almost 25%. That’s what the upcoming Alpha Male book is exactly about, so this is music to my ears in so many ways I can’t even tell you. Just awesome. So happy about this.

Seduction, personal effectiveness, and open relationships(!) were all highly requested. This is the first time I have ever seen open relationships be a more requested topic than online game. I have noticed a shift in the audience in this direction for about two years now. Seduction is always a big topic, but more and more guys are getting interested in the relationship stuff.

This is a good thing, since even guys with strong game who get laid regularly screw up the relationship part. The seduction community / men’s rights movement / manosphere / etc has ignored or downplayed the relationship-side of men/women relations for far too long.

Online dating tied exactly with Daygame. Fascinating, since I haven’t even done daygame in any concentrated manner since around 2009, and I almost never write about it (since I don’t consider myself a daygame expert) but I still get a lot of questions about it.

I promise that as soon as I’m done losing some weight (I’m now the trimmest I’ve been in seven years) I will be hitting daygame again and I will be posting all about it here. Count on it. Online dating will always be a focus of course. It’s what works, baby.

Politics got the second-lowest ranking, just a hair above pop culture. Strange, since my political posts usually get the most comments, often my large margins. Must be one of those “vocal minority” things.

So here’s the deal on all this…

Without saying too much, there are very big changes coming to not only this blog, but my entire online presence. Some of this is due to the book, some if it is due to some other things I can’t talk about yet. I had planned on getting it all done by late April, but because of A) my woefully inadequate knowledge of web technicalities, and B) the increase in scope from what we originally planned, this stuff will be taking a little longer. My target is early July, hopefully sooner. Can’t say much more about it yet, but with the Alpha Male book now in “waiting mode” (ah, traditional publishing!), this is the project that is currently consuming most of my time.

Based on the results of this poll, and specifically this question, what we’re working on right now will match exactly what most of you want to see, and how you want to see it. This is one of the reasons I’m both surprised and pleased by the results of this question.

Love and Lust

Many years ago, Damon Wayans did a stand-up comedy routine where he described a conversation he had with his wife after watching a news report about a woman who lost both of her arms and legs in a car accident.

He turned to his wife and said, “Would you still be with me if I lost both my arms and my legs?”

Without hesitation she said yes.

His punchline was him thinking the reverse. Would he seriously stay with his wife if she lost both her arms and her legs? He was like, “Damn…I don’t know.”

He went on to make a joke about how it would make sex a hell of a lot of fun. He could put her on top of him and spin her around, dribble her like a basketball, etc.

I mean, hey, I’m pretty liberal about the physical conditions of a woman during sex. As long as she’s hot, I couldn’t give a shit. I’ve had sex with a woman who was wearing a cast on her leg, I’ve had sex with another woman in her hospital bed, and I’ve had sex with several women who were as much as eight or nine months pregnant. I’ve also had sex with women who had conditions like stage three endometriosis or who were recovering from cervical cancer. (Oh, I have so many stories…)

But a chick with no arms or legs? Damn. I think I’d have to pass on that one. Even if she did look like Candice Swanepoel.

Switching the genders, it’s a common thing for a woman to ask her husband/BF if he would leave her if she gained 200 pounds. “Would you still be with me?” “Would you still love me if I weighed 300 pounds?”

Love vs. Lust

A topic of huge confusion, one I address in my book a great deal, is the mashing of sexual attraction with love. These are two completely different things, even located within two completely different parts of the brain. They serve two completely different functions.

Love is one thing. Sexual attraction, or lust, is another.

Societal Programming will do its damnest to tell you these two things are one and the same. It’s one of the many ways society shoves monogamy down your throat. “If a man really loves me, he won’t ever want to have sex with any one else.”

It’s all B.S. They are two different things, and always will be, even if you truly love someone. Once NRE is over, even if you still love your special person, you’ll still want to have sex with other people. Even teenagers know this. Yet this reality is supposed to be either,

A) Denied

B) Relegated as “immature”

Love Is Not Selective

As Gene Simmons has pointed out, love is not selective. You cannot say, “I love her when her hair is up, but I don’t love her when her hair is down.” You either love her or you don’t, regardless of her hair. If you truly don’t love her when her hair is down, you really never loved her in the first place. It may have been lust, or infatuation, or even NRE, but it wasn’t love. Many men fall into the trap of supposedly falling “in love” with a pretty girl only to realize it wasn’t love at all.

On the flip side, I have read that if you took a randomly selected man and woman of around the same age, and placed them on a desert island together, they will eventually fall in love with each other…even if they are not physically attracted to each other initially. I know it sounds crazy, but I tend to believe this, and my evidence is the people in many Eastern cultures who marry via arranged marriages. Many, perhaps most of these couples do eventually fall in love. Love is not selective.

However, lust is selective. Very selective. I am not sexually attracted to skinny women with A-cup boobs and no hips. Period, end of story. I’m just not. If one of these women walk past me, I will barely even notice her, even if she has a perfect-10 face. But if a trim, short, dark-eyed, blonde woman with serious hips and big boobs walks by, even if her face is a just a 7 or so, a volcano goes off within me and I will very likely stop what I’m doing and go talk to her. My sexual attraction is very, very selective.

Most guys have a “type” that really turns them on. This has nothing whatsoever to do with love.

Once I start having sex with that blonde, I may fall in love with her, but more than likely I will not. She might just be a dumb bimbo. If that’s the case, I’ll enjoy her for many years (off and on, between LSNFTEs) as an FB. Or she may be a cool chick but not cool enough for me to fall in love with (MLTR category). Or she may be amazing and I will fall in love with her (OLTR category). Her looks simply opened the door to possible love, but they’re damn near irrelevant as to whether or not I end up actually loving her.

The Need For Sexual Attraction

Let’s say I do end up falling in love with Blondie, and her with me. It’s certainly happened before. Let’s say she becomes an OLTR and we move in together. We’re in love and have a great time.

Now let’s say that over the years she starts gaining weight. (I realize it’s extremely unrealistic for a Western woman to start gaining weight once she marries or moves in with a man and this almost never happens, but just go with me here.) After about three years, she goes from 105 pounds to 200 pounds. She used to be smoking hot, but now she’s a big, fat ball of lard.

Do I still love her?

Yes.

Am I still sexually attracted to her?

No.

Will I continue to stay with her?

Assuming she’s still a cool chick and assuming the relationship is an open one (which would be a requirement for me) and I could get my strong sexual needs met somewhere else, yes.

Will I keep having sex with her?

No.

Does that make me an asshole?

No. It makes me a human being. I shall explain.

Women often forget that unlike women, men need to be sexually aroused in order to have sex. Women do not. As long as some KY Jelly is available, a woman can be totally turned off and still have sex. Married women do this all the time.

Men cannot do this. A man needs to get hard. Barring things like Viagra, if he doesn’t get turned on, there is no sex. It doesn’t matter how much he loves her.

So will I still love my fat little wife? Assuming she’s still just as cool as when we met, yes, I will be. But will I have having sex with her? No. I can’t. She’s too unattractive for me to get sexually aroused. That means no sex. I’ll stay with her, and continue to love her, and we can cuddle, but I can no longer be sexually aroused by her.

If that makes women reading this go into hysterics, so be it. If you don’t like it, blame God, not me. I’m a man. I can’t have sex with a woman who is physically unattractive to me, even if I care for her emotionally. It’s how I’m designed.

Well if you really love her you can still make her feel good and do it for her you asshole!

Well, that depends. Assuming I could get hard, which would be very unlikely, then yeah, I could try. But if I couldn’t get hard, then no. I suppose I could go down on her, but she wouldn’t be getting my dick.

And just to anticipate the question, no, I am not going to pop medication like Viagra every time my fat wife wants to have sex. I don’t do drugs. Never have, never will. Just because she wants to live an unhealthy lifestyle doesn’t mean I have to. She’s more than welcome to lose weight so I can get aroused again. And remember, I still love her, and I would not leave her.

Also remember that I don’t do monogamy, and one of the many benefits of an open relationship or marriage is that I can get my sexual needs met elsewhere. In a monogamous marriage the man would almost have to leave his fat wife in order to get his sexual needs met. Or cheat on her. Men married to fat or ugly wives do that all the time. And we don’t want that, right?

Always remember that love and sexual attraction are two completely different things, and start your conversation and expectations from that reality.

May 2 2013

Sex As We Age

This chart has been flowing around the manosphere lately, graciously created by Razib Khan based on this study. It paints a very sad picture…for men and women both.

Why Women Have Less Sex As They Age

Of course if you’ve been reading my stuff nothing in this chart should be any surprise. Women under 33 have frequent sex. This is because they enjoy it and don’t see it as some kind of defeat, surrender, or violation of self worth.

This changes as a woman crosses age 33 or so. Even though she desires sex more than she did in her teens or 20s, because of false Societal Programming she now views sex outside of a serious relationship as some kind of one-sided compromise, even failure. She feels as if she’s losing something by having sex. The only exception to this is when the sex is under a very specific, pre-approved structure she’s created for herself from Societal Programming, ASD, Disney and Woman Logic.

Women under 33 don’t feel they’re losing anything at all. They want to have sex, they enjoy having sex, so they have sex. It’s that simple.

Increased Sex Drive Is Irrelevant

The most fascinating part about all of this is the old saying about how women reach their sexual peak of pleasure and desire in their mid-thirties tends to be true. As I’ve talked about before, women in their mid-30s and 40s are very, VERY horny. There’s no doubt about that at all.

Often when I talk about under-33 women having more sex (or sex more quickly) than older women, people will often retort with “Oh bullshit, women in their 30s-40s are way hornier!”.

This is true! But that doesn’t take into account the fact that women over 33 place more rules about when it’s “appropriate” for them to have sex. The chart above clearly indicates this. They might be more horny, but they’re having less sex. So the fact that they’re more horny is irrelevant.

Here is one of the unbreakable laws of the universe:

Generally speaking, the older a woman is, the more rules she has regarding when it’s acceptable for her to have sex, largely irrelevant of her sexual desire or attraction for the man in question.

If she’s 19 years old, she’ll have two or three rules. Rules about how the guy can’t be too creepy or weird. That’s about it. Other than that, she’s down for sex (assuming she’s physically attracted to the guy of course).

If she’s 26 years old, she’ll a few more rules. Rules about how discreet she thinks he’ll be, how strong she views him, etc.

By age 38, she’ll have pages and pages of rules. You’d need a god damn table of contents to keep track of them all. Moreover, many of the rules will have absolutely nothing about sex. Assuming you’re not the young hot sixpack guy with no money exception-to-the-rule (which is in itself is a rule in a way), she’ll have rules about the number of dates she needs, what will be done or not done on those dates, the topics he brings up on those dates, how much money is spent on her, the color of his socks, the age or number of his children, how often he calls or texts her, how clean the inside of his car is, on and on and on.

Older women will happily judge the appropriateness of sex with you on the most irrelevant shit you can possibly imagine. That’s even if she is very sexually attracted to you, and even if she has no intention of a deeper relationship with you. If her pages and pages of rules aren’t met, she won’t have sex. She “doesn’t do that any more”.

Have you ever been out on a first date with a woman, and you can tell all she’s doing is going through her “checklist”? I have. It’s insulting. Just about every time, it was with a woman who was over age 33. These women are, very sadly, prisoners of their own rules.

Rules Are Fine – But It’s A Matter Of Degree

Is having rules regarding when you have sex bad? Of course not. I have rules myself. I don’t fault women for having some rules about sex. If a woman has a rule that she doesn’t fuck a man she’s just met, that’s fine. (I don’t try to fuck women on the first date.) And of course condoms should be used, etc.

But if you’re an over 33 woman and you’re going to sexually disqualify a guy you’re already attracted to because he tries to have sex with you on the third date instead of waiting until the fourth date “like a gentleman”, or because you think he wears the color green too much (both real reasons I’ve heard over-33′s use to disqualify otherwise attractive men), then sweetie, we’re in stupid zone. You’re just being insane.

Moreover, if you start attacking younger, sex-loving women for taking all those quality men away from your potential market, now you’re really getting insane. Stop it with the insane rules and you’ll get quality guys knocking on your door too.

I don’t fault you for having rules. I fault you for A) having too many rules, and B) having too many irrelevant rules.

Over-33 women won’t deny this. On the contrary, they will spend a lot of time defending these insane rules. As is typical in society, we vehemently defend the very things that make us unhappy.

So sad.

Why Men Have Less Sex As They Age

I have to be objective here and discuss the men too. Just because women are fucking this up badly doesn’t mean men are except from criticism on this issue.

As you can see from the graph, men in their 30s have just as much sex as they did in their mid to late 20s. Very nice. Good job, men.

However, we can’t look at this graph and instantly see some kind of major victory for older guys. As clearly shown, as soon as men hit their 40s there is a sharp decline in sexual activity, and this decline is even sharper in the 50s.

Why is this? There are many reasons, but I’ll give you the biggest one:

Marriage.

For most men, the 40s is when the gradual process of societal and feminine betaization is complete. Your 40s is time to “grow up” and “settle down” and “stop being selfish”, put your balls in your wife’s purse, follow her orders, stop having as much sex (because, c’mon, sex is for “young people”), mow the lawn, and start stressing out about things like your retirement and the crap the neighbor kids leave on your driveway.

(This is until she divorces you, of course. Then you’ll have even bigger problems. But that won’t happen to you because You’ve Fucked A Lot Of Girls™ so you Know What You’re Doing™ and your wife is Not Like That™ because She’s Not Like The Rest™. Yeah yeah. I know.)

So your frequency of sex drops like a stone. Along with your testosterone, health, self-esteem, happiness, motivation, and zest for life.

The vast, vast majority of men I know in their mid-40s are not necessarily miserable, but they’re married, tired, unmotivated, complaining all the time, and their greatest source of joy in life is the rare occasion when the wife “leaves them alone” so they can work on the roof or the car for about an hour.

Yikes. Such a stark difference between that and the motivated, excited guys in their late 20s to mid 30s.

One of my long term goals in life is to keep my health and testosterone levels equivalent to a man age 35…even when I get into my 50s and beyond. I don’t ever want to loose that edge, excitement, and motivation…or the sex! I consider age 35 to be the “optimal” overall age for a man (if there is such a thing). In your mid 30s you’re still decent looking (perhaps even better looking than when you were younger), but you also have a solid foundation for success and confidence in your life, unlike those younger guys. It’s the best of both worlds.

The graph bares this out. Guys in their 30s are getting laid hardcore. So stick with that, even if you’re past your 30s. Just like older women should not be a victim of their insane sex rules, you should not be a victim of laziness or Societal Programming.

Man or woman, your goal should be the exception to that graph, not an example of it.

Apr 28 2013

Announcing The 2013 Blackdragon Retreat In NEW YORK CITY

The Blackdragon Retreat! An intensive and fun two-day event were you work personally with me to improve your dating, seduction, and relationship life and your business and financial life. There’s nothing else quite like it.

In our two days together, you will learn:

Dating and Seduction – We walk through the entire process, from face-to-face meet to getting her in bed.

Business Success – How to increase your income in your business or career, as fast as possible, and within your life objectives.

Online Dating – Exactly what I do and how I do it, with live demonstrations. Opening, online conversations, profile critiques, we do it all.

Personal Strategic Planning – By the end of the retreat you’ll have an organized, customized battle plan of all your goals and plans, and exactly how to accomplish them.

Relationship Management - Exactly how I date all these women at the same time with full disclosure and minimal drama, so that you can do the same. (Some of them may be joining us.)

Time Management - Specific techniques on how to get it all done without stressing out.

Yes, we really do cover all that stuff. Many past attendees have told me the amount of real-life, applicable knowledge you receive for its comparatively small price is amazing. You get all this for far less than the cost of a typical “pick up artist bootcamp”.

The next Blackdragon Retreat will be in New York City. Many of you have been bugging me to hold one in New York for years. The survey I had over at my main web site clearly showed that New York was where you guys wanted it to be. Message received. New York it is.

The 2013 retreat will be held this September 27th and 28th. Go right here for all the details. There’s a downloadable agenda there too.

As always, I will be offering lots of big discounts. Check it out.

I’m very excited to be visiting New York again. What a kickass place. Can’t wait!

Apr 25 2013

Online Dating Random Sample – Older Women / Younger Women

I had another “older women good or bad for online seduction” discussion with someone the other day. I decided to show this person empirical evidence of what I was saying. I never read profiles, but just for fun I decided to do two very quick experiments.

The first experiment was to click on five randomly-selected profiles of women in their mid-thirties. My only rule for the random sampling beyond that age group was they had to be somewhat attractive, i.e. the type of woman most men reading these words would bother to send a message to.

I wanted to see how many of these over-33 types would have anything in their profiles that implied or stated any of the following three items:

A. They did not want sex.

B. They expected monogamy and similar commitments up-front.

C. They expected money to be spent on them.

My guess was all or the majority would have at least one of the above in their profiles. Let’s see how I did!

Once I clicked on five cute mid-thirties gals and actually read their profiles, this is what I found. I promise I am being 100% honest and truthful in everything I’m reporting here. All quotes are real, unedited copy-and-pastes from their real profiles with no changes from me.

Random Subject 1, a very hot 36 year-old blonde, said:

HOWEVER….I don’t desire to just date around with multiple people nor am I looking for someone who is looking for that. I’m looking for my couch cuddling, free time spending (when we can), movie watching, hand holding, road tripping, joke cracking, sarcastic but sweet other half. (In no particular order)

Yep. As expected.

By the way, any time you hear a woman of any age talk about how she wants to “cuddle” or wants a “cuddle buddy”, that’s a huge red sign that says “DON’T TRY TO FUCK ME. I DON’T WANT SEX.”

Random Subject 2, another cute blonde, 35 years old, said:

I am looking for an honest intelligent man who knows how to treat a woman. One who knows how to communicate well and doesn’t play any games.

Any man who’s been on a few first dates knows exactly what “knows how to treat a woman” means. (Hint: It has to do with money being spent on her.)

Random Subject 3, a petite, very fit 35 year old, said:

If you have NO interest in possibly starting a relationship….I’m not for you. I have NOTHING against being on here to hook up…thats FUN!!! but I’m looking for a little more than that at this time in my life.

Bingo! What have I said about women over 33? They once loved to fuck guys and get laid just for the enjoyment of sex, but NOT ANY MORE. Once a woman hits the dreaded age 33, sex is only “allowed” under a certain, stringent set of rules called “relationship”. (With the possible exception of the the hot-young-guy-with-no-money loophole I’ve described before.)

Random Subject 4, a long haired 36 year old hottie, said:

Actually, her profile didn’t say anything about those three areas above. Wow! One out of four cool over-33 chicks so far! Can we make it two out of five?

I guess not, since Random Subject 5, a cute 36 year old wearing a bikini in some of her pics said,

I want friendship first. Down the road I want the relationship everyone is jealous of and wants.

Ah yes, that great term, “friends first”. Which as most of us know is more code for “Don’t try to fuck me or I’ll be pissed.” Not to mention her Disney desires about her future relationship with Mr. Perfect.

So out of five totally random profiles, four were essentially telling you, using indirect feminine language, that they are not going to have sex with you, are going to be pissed if you try, and/or you had better spend money on them, and if you’re “lucky”, you can make all kinds of commitments to them and THEN have sex. Maybe.

Four out of five over-33 women. That’s the exact results of my little experiment Those are the odds you’re dealing with when working with women in this age range online.

But I wasn’t done. In order to be fair and balanced like Fox News (aaaahahahahaha!) I did a second experiment where I randomly selected five cute girls in their mid twenties, specifically age 24 to 26, looking for the same exact three negatives listed above. Again, the girls had to be cute, but that was the only criteria I used. Other than that, they were completely random clicks on my part. They were in the same city as the first five mid-thirties women, so as to keep that variable constant.

What do you think I found? How many mentioned any of those three negatives?

Out of five, zero of them mentioned anything related to the three negatives listed above. Zero. I’m being completely honest. The guy I was trying to prove this to read the profiles as well to verify I wasn’t being biased in my interpretation.

Zero.

To be fair, one of them had one sentence about how she was “tired of players”, but that was it. None of this “don’t try to fuck me” ASD stuff or “you’d better spend money on me” gold digger stuff or “I expect commitment first” Disney stuff.

Mid thirties = four out of five.

Mid twenties = zero out of five.

Which group do you think is the best to message online? You be the judge.

Not sure how much more evidence you need. (Of course, if you think I’m making all of this up, by all means go do this experiment yourself. Just make sure you are acutely aware of the indirect language women tend to use when discussing these topics.)

Update: Some of the comments reminded me of three clarifications I should have made…

1. Of course this is not a scientific sampling. I thought that was obvious. It’s only 10 women. But it is interesting that out of that random 10 I got the results I did. The other guy who disagreed with me read all the same profiles and more or less came to the same conclusion, so as to avoid confirmation bias, which I fully agree I would have been guilty of had I done this alone.

2. I do not “hate” older women. I have dated many of them and still do to this day and love them. I’m saying if your objective is fast sex from meeting women online, you should avoid women over age 33.

3. Yes, older women DO like sex more than younger women (generally speaking). But that’s ONLY when they’re in a regular relationship with a guy (preferably a new relationship) and all their ASD Societal Programming requirements have been met. Women over 33 do love sex more than younger women, but they also have more self-imposed rules about when they’re “allowed” to have sex, thus cancelling out this sexual “benefit”.

Apr 21 2013

Will Smith Jada Pinkett Open Marriage

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett are my two new heroes.

They’ve been married for 16 years. During that time there have been rumors about cheating or an open marriage. Finally Jada has come clean about her open marriage to Will. The video clip of her talking about it is right here.

It’s fantastic. It is so wonderful to watch a woman demonstrate maturity and rationality when it comes to being married not only to a man, but to a good looking and famous man. Instead of doing what most women do, which is marry a high sex drive, good looking Alpha Male then react with shock and fury when he cheats on her, Jada has become a true Blackdragonette.

She has seen the light, and apparently she saw it a very long time ago. I am extremely impressed. I’ve made a few snide remarks about Will and Jada in my day, and I hereby retract all of them. These two people are new heroes, and I mean it.

The video clip is about 90 seconds long, but the key quote is right here:

Will is his own man. I’m here as his partner, but he is his own man. He has to decide who he wants to be, and that’s not for me to do for him. And vice versa…respecting that you are in a partnership, but that you are an individual as well.

I could not have said it better myself. Those four sentences encapsulate everything I try to explain to women in my life (and men online) about the nature of a serious, long term relationship to an Alpha male. It’s about understanding the concept that just because you love someone or live with someone or have children with someone does not mean that you cease being an individual with all the freedoms that entails.

Why The Traditional Relationship Model Is Flawed

The Societal Programming concept of, “Now that we’re together, you are no longer free to do whatever you want” is one of the core reasons long term, serious relationships or marriages fail, and include much drama and chaos when they fail. The truly enlightened acknowledge the inconvenient reality that human beings, especially Alpha Males, don’t follow hardcore sexual restrictions for long periods of time. They only do it for short, concentrated bursts.

Acknowledge this, structure your relationships around this, and you and your partner will experience a long-term happiness few will ever know. Deny this, pretend it doesn’t exist, then end up like everyone else. Which is a simple way of saying “Happy Now, Pissed Later”. (I should come up with a new acronym! HNPL.)

I’ve said before that whenever two normal people enter into a romantic relationship, they metaphorically hand each other a list of rules and regulations they are now expected to follow. The woman’s list has things like how much money he is expected to spend on her, how much time he’s expected to spend with her, and all the things he needs to do less of (like watch sports or hang out with the guys down at the bar). The man’s list has things on there about not texting other men, taking pictures of her ex-boyfriend off her Facebook page, and how often he expects sex from her.

Both men and women do this, and both of them can easily have scores, if not hundreds of little items on that “Rules List”. Generally speaking, the older a woman is, the more items on her list. A 40 year-old woman is going to have a much bigger list than a 22 year-old woman. The same often goes for guys.

If your goal is to have a relationship that lasts six to twelve months or so, then this approach is fine. Go right ahead and have fun with your NRE and your eventual breakup.

But if your goal is to have a relationship that lasts much longer than three years, this approach is insane. Both partners will soon start to violate rules on their lists. It’s normal and predicable. It doesn’t mean she’s a bitch or a gold-digger or disrespectful or irrational, nor does it mean he’s an asshole or immature or selfish or stupid. It’s just how human beings work.

Enlightened adults like Will and Jada understand this. Societally programmed, maturity-stunted people like 90% of folks out there do not understand this. Or worse, understand it but pretend it doesn’t exist.

Will and Jada’s Open Marriage Rules

What then, are the rules behind Will and Jada’s open marriage? Every open marriage has them. Jada said this:

I’ve always told Will, ‘You can do whatever you want as long as you can look at yourself in the mirror and be okay.’

She stated this strongly, almost angrily. However, as a well trained expert in Woman Language, I shall interpret what she said into English.

She’s essentially saying he’s can fuck around all he likes as long as the women don’t mean anything. She’s his OLTR wife, and women on the side must be FBs. Standard fare for an OLTR, as I’ve described many times before. Jada’s a strong chick, and I’m quite sure she’s been very clear to Will about this. Play around all you want, but I’m your wife and I’m the one you love. Perfectly acceptable.

This kind of marriage works. Millions of people all over the world have long-lasting marriages, often with kids (and non-married cohabitation relationships) that work like this. It’s just that these people keep very quiet about them.

This is what makes Will and Jada so special…

Why They’re Heroes

Jada Pinkett is a hero because she has the balls to state all of this publicly. Yeah, it took her 16 years to do it, but better late than never.

In a world where women are expected to throw men to the sharks if/when they ever cheat, where a “strong woman” deserves a “good (submissive) man”, Jada had the courage to break through all the Societal Programming and clearly state that there’s another way to do it that makes more sense.

Other than Gene Simmons, I can’t remember the last time a mainstream celebrity actually said this publicly. Penn Gillette has hinted about it in his marriage, and others have also hinted about it, but someone flat out saying it is new. In the interview they mention Rube Dee and Ossie Davis who also had an open marriage of sorts, but that was a very long time ago.

We may have finally turned a corner regarding this open relationship stuff. Maybe now more people will have the courage to say “Yeah, this is how we live, and we’re happy.” If Jada Pinkett (who is considered very “cool” and a “tough” woman in Hollywood) and Will Smith (who has always been considered very wholesome) can do this, perhaps others will too.

Apr 17 2013

Six Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Compliment A Woman’s Appearance

I have given this first date advice many times and in many ways: Don’t compliment women’s appearance.

No matter how tempted you are, no matter how hot she is, no matter how much you think she likes you, and no matter how smoothly or Alpha you think you can pull it off, don’t compliment a woman’s appearance prior to sex. If you’ve been having sex with her for six months, then fine. I’m talking about the dating and seduction phases.

Every time I give that dating advice, I get a bunch of guys giving me excuses about how it’s okay to do it as long as you don’t do it too much. Or too much like a beta. Or with an confident frame. Or something.

Excuses.

I will quote the above linked blog post about the proof that complimenting a woman’s appearance will reduce your odds of a lay:

If you don’t believe me, go sarge up 20 women, tell them how hot/beautiful they are before you fuck them. Then sarge up a second 20, and don’t compliment their appearance at all. You will find you will get better results (and more quickly) from the second group than from the first group.

Go do that experiment, and then come back and tell me it’s okay to tell women they’re hot as long as you do it “confidently” or whatever.

Heartiste recently made a blog post right here giving the exact same advice. Good. Nice to see others have figured this out.

A few quotes from his post:

Never compliment a girl on her looks, especially not a girl you aren’t fucking.

and

It will help you acquire the right frame of mind to stop using the words hot, cute, gorgeous, or beautiful to describe girls who turn you on.

He even repeats it:

As stated above, never compliment beautiful women on their looks

He goes on to give some tips on how to convey attraction without commenting on a woman’s looks. I’m going to reinforce why refraining from complimenting appearance will help you.

Here are the top six reasons:

1. You’re not telling her anything she doesn’t already know. Hot chicks are fully aware they’re hot by the time they’re about 15 years old. It’s not news to them. Telling a hot chick she’s hot is like telling her the sky is blue or that there’s oxygen in the air. It just makes you look “very normal”, if not a little dumb.

2. Hundreds, if not thousands of men have already told her this. If you tell her this too, you’re just adding yourself to the pile of all the other guys she’s politely brushed off. You are in no way unique.

3. It’s not a compliment. That’s right. Telling her she’s hot or sexy or beautiful or whatever is not giving her a compliment. It’s like walking up to a multimillionaire and saying “You have a lot of money.” Trust me, that millionaire will in no way feel complimented. He’ll just assume you’re awkward. And he’ll be right.

Now yes, because of Societal Programming, a hot chick will be obligated to say something back like “Oh, thank you!”, but that doesn’t mean shit. If you’ve ever dated a really hot chick and watched other guys tell her how attractive she is, even good looking guys who said it smoothly, I’m sure you got a full commentary from her regarding the lack of quality these men were displaying, even if she was demonstrating gratitude for their compliments.

I’m not saying women don’t like men kissing their asses. They certainly do. I’m saying hearing from men something they already know and have heard a thousand times is not a compliment. If you just can’t control yourself and must compliment her, tell her she’s smart or interesting or unique, not beautiful.

4. It reduces your odds of a lay. This is unquestionable. Try the “20 woman experiment” above and track your results if you don’t believe me. By not complimenting a woman’s appearance, your odds of a lay go up. The speed of the lay also goes up. Moreover, the hotter she is, the more important it is to not say anything about it.

5. It damages your Alpha standing in her eyes. Even if you’re a cool, attractive guy, the simple act of telling a hot chick she’s hot will take you down a notch in her mental assessment of your sexual worthiness.

I didn’t say if she’s totally into you she’ll be suddenly turned off if you mention she’s attractive. If you’ve already scored 87 points on her 0-100 scale, telling her she’s hot won’t drop you the entire 87, but it will drop you down to 83 or 77 or 75.

Why do this? Why take the chance? Why make this harder on yourself?

“Well, I like telling women they’re beautiful. It makes me feel more natural and human. It makes the interaction more organic.”

Okay, fine. But can’t you wait until you’ve had sex with her a few times before you tell her she’s sexy or has nice tits? Is it really that difficult?

6. It damages your Outcome Independence, whether you realize it or not. This is the biggest internal reason why you shouldn’t do this. By telling a hot woman she’s hot, you have mentally placed her on a pedestal in your own mind at least a little bit. You’re going to want her just a little more now. Your Outcome Independence will have taken a hit. At least a small one. Not good.

Next time you’re with some Hot Chick™, remember this article.

Just don’t do it.

You’ll thank me in the morning.

The Blackdragon Blog

Showing men how to bring women into their lives on their terms.

The Difference Between Friends With Benefits and MTLRs

Why Do Women Get Fat? Some Empirical Evidence From My Dating Life

Fun With Theory – What If Blackdragon Had Been Born A Woman?

What You Want Me To Talk About – Results of the Poll

Love and Lust

Sex As We Age

Announcing The 2013 Blackdragon Retreat In NEW YORK CITY

Online Dating Random Sample – Older Women / Younger Women

Will Smith Jada Pinkett Open Marriage

Six Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Compliment A Woman’s Appearance

Follow “The Blackdragon Blog”

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Follow “The Blackdragon Blog”